


The Real Finale, Because What The Fuck Was That

by CommanderFeathers, pastawithjamsauce



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel is Loved (Supernatural), Destiel is canon, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Post-Canon Fix-It, fight me, fuck the finale, supernatural 15x20 does not exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27850446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderFeathers/pseuds/CommanderFeathers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastawithjamsauce/pseuds/pastawithjamsauce
Summary: This takes place after 15x19 and gives us the happily ever after we deserved. Time to resurrect our gays/bis, hellers.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 22
Kudos: 197





	The Real Finale, Because What The Fuck Was That

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written as an RP and adapted into a full story. It could not have been written without the help of CommanderFeathers writing as Castiel. Almost all of the Castiel dialogue, actions, and thoughts were written by her.

Dean woke up in a cold sweat with a scream on the tip of his tongue that he just barely stopped from coming out. Once again, he’d dreamt about Cas being taken from him. The words Cas said ran through his head on an endless loop, tormenting him. Dean hated himself for how he’d frozen in the moment, for letting Cas die without ever telling him the truth. He wiped away the tears that were gathering in his eyes and looked at the clock on his nightstand table. It was nearly two in the afternoon and he had no interest in getting out of bed, even though he knew it would worry Sam.

He’d buried his feelings for so long, but now he couldn’t ignore them. He’d tried pushing them down after Cas died. At first, he was able to push through just because they had to deal with Chuck. For so long, he’d felt like the only thing he needed to do was defeat Chuck. As soon as Chuck was defeated, he’d have free will and he could move on with his life.

But now, Chuck was gone and Dean was as miserable as he’d ever been. He tried to put on a brave face for Sam. He could tell from some of his brother’s worried glances that he wasn’t completely buying it, but Dean was surviving. Sure, he hadn’t showered in a week and was probably destroying his liver with the copious amounts of alcohol he was drinking, but he was alive. He just kind of wished he wasn’t.

Dean slowly dragged himself out of bed and kneeled down on the floor. As he’d done for every day since they’d defeated Chuck, he tried in vain to pray that Jack would bring Cas back. He opened his eyes, hopeful that Jack would suddenly appear, but he knew he wasn’t coming. Jack had said he wasn’t going to meddle in the world anymore, and he wasn’t going to change his mind just because it was Dean asking. And why should he? Dean had said Jack wasn’t even family. This was his fault. _Everything_ was his fault.

Rage and guilt consumed him, and he punched the wall in frustration, piercing a hole in the only bedroom he’d ever known. He stared down at his bruised hand; the pain was almost comforting in the way that it momentarily distracted him from the pain he felt from losing the one person who could tear down his walls and make him feel something, _anything_ beyond anger and guilt.

Castiel’s words rang through his head again. _You think hate and anger, that's... that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not._

It hurt how wrong Cas was, how Cas had seen the best in him only because he was blinded by his love and couldn’t see the anger and the hate that coursed through every atom of his being. If Dean was really driven by love, why did he let the only person that he’d ever truly loved in a non-familial way die thinking that he didn’t love him back?

He took in a deep breath and said, “ _Okay._ ” He could do this. He could keep moving on. Cas wouldn’t want him to fall apart. It almost felt like he was outside of his body as he forced himself to leave the room and head into the library, where Sam was buried in a mountain of books.

“Morning,” Dean said in a monotone, lifeless voice as he slumped into one of the chairs. 

“ _Afternoon_ , sleepyhead,” Sam said without taking his head out of the book. “Are you doing alright?

“I’m fine,” Dean answered. “You got anything?”

Sam looked up from the book and gave a half shrug. “Not really. There’s not much lore on the Empty to look through, but I’ll keep looking. Bobby said he might have a lead, but he said he wasn’t sure if it would pan out.”

Dean nodded, but it just felt like another puncture wound into his already deflating sense of hope. There were no pieces on the chessboard left with enough power to take on the Empty. It was a pointless, hopeless task.

“I heard from Eileen, she’s just finishing up some last minute packing and then she’ll be headed over here to stay for awhile and help us with uh—with this case. Oh, and Jody called — Claire and Kaia are off on some hunt, but everyone else is taking a well earned break,” Sam rambled on about his conversation with Jody as Dean half listened. It was hard for him to care much about anything, especially when Sam was talking about all the reunited couples.

Despite the feelings of hopelessness, Dean stayed up all night aimlessly searching for information about the Empty. He normally tried to get out of doing research, but he couldn’t sleep without returning to his nightmares. He could feel his eyes drooping and his head beginning to get hazy, but he just kept endlessly scrolling through online message boards and random websites that were mostly full of complete bullshit.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but Sam found him slumped over his laptop the next day, and shook him awake.

Sam sighed as his eyes glanced over the two empty bottles of bourbon. “This needs to stop, Dean. I know you want to find a way to get Cas, but you’re not going to be able to help him if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“I’m fine,” Dean grumbled as he sat up and stretched, feeling the ache in his body from falling asleep at the library table. 

“You’re not even close to fine, Dean,” Sam said with a frustrated sigh. “Last time Cas died, you nearly killed yourself. Maybe we just need to take a break. Find an easy case and get back to this once we find a lead.”

“Not interested,” Dean replied. It didn’t matter anymore. Even with Chuck gone, the monsters would always keep coming. 

“Just… take a shower, then,” Sam said.

Dean shrugged and left the room, feeling the weight of Sam’s stare on his back. He walked back to his room and got into his bed. The empty space next to him felt stifling, even though Cas had never slept there. The lost potential of what they could have had stung, especially since he now knew he could have had it all along. He’d always thought there was no way Cas could feel the same way. He wasn’t even sure if angels were capable of feeling love that way. But he’d seen it in Cas’s eyes when he’d summoned the Empty. He _knew_.

He was woken up a few hours later by Sam bursting into his room and saying, “We have a lead.”

Dean immediately sat up straight in his bed, all traces of sleepiness erased at those simple words. His heart pounded as he dared to ask, “What is it?”

Sam moved over to the bed and sat down on the edge to get on Dean’s level. “Bobby found a spell. I think we can get all the ingredients for it. It opens a portal to the Empty.”

“Are you serious?” Dean asked. “What’s the catch?”

Sam frowned. “Well, there’s a few—”

“Of fucking course there are,” Dean groaned.

“You can enter, but the Empty is huge. Finding Castiel might be a challenge,” Sam said.

“I found him in Purgatory, _twice,_ and I’ll find him again,” Dean said confidently. If he could get to the Empty, he _knew_ he could manage to find a way to get to Cas.

“The other problem is that only humans can travel through the portal,” Sam stated.

Dean leaned his head back against the headboard and sighed. Of course, it was too good to be true. “Then what’s the fucking point?”

“You could probably… make him human enough to trick the portal,” Sam suggested.

Dean squinted. “You mean we could remove his grace. I don’t know if he’d want that. He felt...lost as a human.”

“Would he rather be human or dead?” Sam questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Fair point,” Dean responded, though he still felt guilty knowing that Cas’s sacrifice would still have to cost him part of who he is. “What about the Empty itself? It’s not going to be happy with me traipsing in there. It will probably just kill me on the spot.”

“Yeah… I don’t know,” Sam said with a frown. “We’re going to need to come up with something. Maybe we can make a deal with the Empty.”

“What could we possibly have that the Empty would want?” Dean asked.

Sam shrugged. “The only thing I know it wants is to go back to sleep.”

“And how the Hell can we help with that?” Dean said.

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know, but this is a start.”

“Yeah,” Dean replied. It was too early to say the ‘h’ word — hope — but it was the first time since Cas had died that he felt like they even had a shot. “Thanks, Sammy. For, uh. For not giving up on this.”

“It’s Cas,” Sam said simply with a half smile.

Dean nodded, his hand clenching tightly as he thought about the possibility of bringing Cas home. “Yeah… Yeah. I think I’m going to take a shower. Then we can hit the books.”

Based on the way Sam’s face lit up, Dean following basic rules of hygiene was like Christmas morning for him. “Good. You stink.”

“Shut up,” Dean said, but he still scrambled out of bed like he’d been given a shot of adrenaline and headed towards the bathroom to begin to process what he was feeling. As the water rained down on him, his mind swirled with a constant stream of _You’re going to save Cas. You have to save Cas._

It took Dean over a month to track down all the ingredients. At the same time, they desperately looked for some kind of leverage they could use on the Empty. It was beginning to feel hopeless again, but Dean was staying up for hours every night looking for something, _anything_ that might help put the Empty back to sleep. 

Sam had been studying the bomb spell that Jack had used which woke everything up in the Empty, trying to figure out if there was anything in that spell that could hint at how to put the Empty back to sleep. Eileen was by his side most days, also helping with research. They signed half of the time they talked, and Dean couldn’t tell if it was just because Sam was getting better at signing or because they were talking about him behind his back. He felt like they were treating him like a bomb that was about to explode, and he supposed that he was.

Dean would never admit it, but watching Sam with Eileen made the feelings of loss much more painful. They were clearly trying to hide what was going on between them, but he saw the tension between them. He saw the way that they gently touched each other when they thought Dean wasn’t looking and the way that their eyes lingered on each other with a promise of more. He knew that Eileen was staying in Sam’s room. He was happy for them; he really was. Sam deserved to find happiness and love, and Eileen was the perfect person for him to settle down with. That didn’t stop it from feeling like a stab in the heart.

Sam sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes. “I don’t even know what I’m looking for in this spell. I think we need someone who understands magic better than we do.”

“So we need to find a witch?” Eileen asked.

“We need _Rowena_ ,” Dean said firmly.

Eileen looked confused as she asked, “Isn’t she the Queen of Hell now? Are you planning to break into Hell too?”

“No,” Dean said as a small smile appeared on his face. “But we can summon her.”

“You can summon the Queen of Hell?” Eileen asked.

“We could summon Crowley. I don’t see why Rowena should be any different,” Sam said. 

Dean quickly stood up from the chair and said, “I’ll go gather the ingredients.”

The good thing about the summoning spell was that they had almost all the ingredients they needed in the bunker, and it only took a couple days to get the last few items. They needed various dried herbs, nuts, and preserved fruits, along with a few more rare items, but they were all things that were easily accessible if you knew where to look.

Two days after they’d made a plan to summon Rowena, Dean was in the dungeon drawing a sigil on the ground and lighting candles. Sam placed a bowl in the middle of the sigil and began placing the ingredients in the bowl in a particular order and then lit them all on fire. Sam began reading out an incantation and then blue sparks began to shoot out of the bowl.

“Hello, boys,” a familiar Scottish voice said a few seconds later. Dean turned around to see Rowena, standing there waiting with an unsurprised, but mildly irritated look on her face.

“Hello, Rowena,” Sam said with a clear sense of relief. “It’s good to see you.”

“I can’t say I love being dragged away from my throne by force, laddies, but it’s good to see you too,” Rowena stated. “And what scheme are the Winchester boys plotting that they need help from little old me?”

“We need to save Cas,” Dean said without hesitation.

“Last I heard, your angel got taken away to the Empty. Even I can’t get him out of there,” Rowena said. 

“We have a way to get into the Empty, we think,” Sam said. “But we need something to get the Empty to agree to give him back.”

“Like what?” Rowena asked.

“We need to give it something it wants — to get everyone back to sleep,” Sam explained.

“And how do you plan to do that?” Rowena asked.

“ _That’s_ where we need your help, Rowena. We know the spell that woke everyone up. We’re hoping you can take a look and see if you can come up with a spell to put everyone back to sleep,” Sam said.

“I’ll take a look, but I can’t promise anything,” Rowena said. “Something like this — it’s cosmic. There may not be a spell or magic that can pack that kind of punch.”

“Please, Rowena,” Dean said. “You remember what you told me, back when we were in Hell? You told me to fix it. To not let one of us die while we still had regrets—I, I didn’t listen to you. I _need_ to fix it, Rowena. _Please._ ”

His voice was uncharacteristically shaky and cracked on the last word. He looked down at the floor to avoid the gazes of everyone else in the room as he felt his face redden, but he could feel the weight of their pitying stares on him as they watched him fall apart.

“I’ll try,” Rowena promised in a more sympathetic tone. “If there is magic that can fix this, we’ll find it.”

Dean watched as Rowena and Sam painstakingly went through every aspect of the ritual and spell they'd done to turn Jack into a bomb. Sam explained to her what happened, how it had woken everyone up in the Empty, and how Jack began to suck up people's powers afterwards. Rowena took it all in with delight; it was clear that this was a kind of magic she hadn't seen before.

For days, Rowena came and went, bringing things back from Hell or finding rare ingredients around the world. She used Sam as a sounding board to experiment with ideas. Eileen looked mildly jealous, but Sam always was quick to make sure she was included, even if she wasn't as knowledgeable about magic. 

There was nothing for Dean to do but wait. He didn't have the knowledge or the skills that Rowena and Sam had. The most he could do was occasionally go on supply runs. He spent his time trying to get things ready for Cas's return. He went through Cas's bedroom and cleaned it up, holding back his tears as he came across things that reminded him of Cas. He saw the mixtape in a small tape player on Cas's nightstand table and the tears threatened to spill out of his eyes before he took a few deep breaths and pushed them back down. 

He cleaned his own room after Cas's. Hopefully, it would be _their_ room soon. He usually kept things tidy, not wanting to make his sanctuary a mess, but he had been allowing things to pile up since he'd lost Cas. There were dirty dishes he never bothered to put away, random research books and hastily scrawled notes that cluttered the floor, and bits of clothing thrown everywhere. After cleaning everything else and making his bed, he started shoving all of his clothes into the laundry basket.

Dean walked down the hallway to the laundry room and started piling his dirty clothes into the washer. More than a few of them were covered in blood or spilled alcohol stains. He shouldn't have let it pile up for so long, but he hadn't cared about keeping things sanitary. He hadn't really cared about anything. 

His breath hitched when he saw the green jacket with the bloody handprint on the left shoulder. Suddenly, the tears he had been holding back for days came pouring out. He clutched the jacket close to his chest as his teeth began to chatter and the tears kept streaming down his face. He gasped for air, and then he could no longer keep the crying silent. He wiped away the snot and the tears that were covering his face, but he couldn't stop himself from breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably.

He was too far gone that he didn't even notice Sam had entered the room until he felt a hand on his shoulder, the same shoulder Cas had branded when they first met, the same shoulder he'd touched before he died. He started shaking with tears even as he felt his brother pull him into his arms. He would normally push Sam away and tell him he was fine, but this time, he clung to him and let his brother rub his back.

"We'll get him back, Dean," Sam said with a sense of hope that Dean wasn't sure he'd ever allow himself to feel again. 

Dean pulled away from the hug and wiped the snot and tears off his face. He nodded, not wanting to tell Sam how much he doubted their ability to pull this off.

Sam furrowed his brow and stared at him with that same concerned look that Dean was beginning to think was a permanent expression for his brother. "Come on, Dean. Talk to me."

Dean sat down on the ground, letting his head rest against the wall of the laundry room floor as Sam sat down across from him, waiting.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Dean said.

"The truth," Sam replied. 

Dean frowned, confused about what Sam meant. "I haven't lied to you."

"Maybe not, but I know you, Dean. You're hiding something," Sam stated. 

Dean clutched at the jacket in his arms and placed his hand over Cas's handprint. He hadn't told Sam the whole truth. It was too painful, and much too shameful. 

"I... didn't tell you everything about how Cas summoned the Empty," Dean said.

"You didn't tell me _anything_ about how Cas summoned the Empty," Sam pointed out. "Even when I asked. You just told me we couldn't summon it the same way and to forget about it."

"Yeah... Yeah," Dean said. He paused for a couple minutes as he sorted through his thoughts. "He made a deal. To save Jack when he was dying."

"Sounds like him. What was the deal?" Sam asked.

"That the Empty would take him instead, but only after he had a moment of true happiness," Dean answered.

Sam's eyes lit up, and it looked like things were beginning to fall into place in his head. He always recognized the expression Sam had when he was beginning to put the puzzle pieces together. "So... he summoned it by... what, kissing you?"

"What?" Dean asked, confused. "No. Nothing like that. He just... told me he loved me. How—how did you know?"

"Everyone knows, Dean," Sam said with a half smile. "So then you told him you loved him too, and the Empty arrived?"

Dean looked away from Sam, feeling the pit in his stomach grow deeper as he realized Sam had more faith in him than he deserved. "No. I... uh, it was all happening so quickly, and I couldn't process...and I said nothing. I—I let him die thinking I didn't love him back."

Sam's face turned softer and he placed a comforting hand on Dean's arm. "Oh, Dean. I'm so—"

Their conversation was interrupted by the sounds of a loud boom. They both scrambled up from the floor and ran towards the library, where they saw Rowena smiling over a large bowl, her face covered in soot and her hair much frizzier and wild from whatever explosion she'd just created.

"I think we're ready, boys," Rowena said with a growing grin.

Dean sucked in a deep breath, willing away the emotions he’d finally allowed to break free. He could deal with his _feelings_ later. Now all he needed to focus on was getting Cas back. Dean’s heart pounded as they went through the ritual to open a portal to the Empty. He tapped his fingers against the crystal in his hands as Sam and Rowena chanted together until finally he saw the rift open. 

Rowena turned to Dean and said, “It’s up to you now, Dean. You’ve only got one shot at this, so don’t mess it up.”

Dean nodded and pushed himself through the rift. They’d spent days going over the plan and he held onto just that as he walked through the rift, not wanting to fall apart at the thought of being so close to Cas. He ended up in a big black, empty void. There was nothing and nobody there, though he could hear voices in the distance.

Suddenly, someone appeared behind him. 

“ _Meg?”_ Dean asked skeptically.

A demented smile formed on Meg’s face. “ _Nooot_ quite.”

“You’re the Empty,” Dean realized.

“Bingo,” the Shadow said. “And what the Hell are you doing here? You don’t belong here, and I _don’t_ need another blithering moron keeping me awake. If you think for a second I’m going to give you that angel of yours, you’re even more of an idiot than I would have thought. But then again, what else would I expect from the lover of the Empty’s most annoying angel?”

“I’m here to bargain with you,” Dean said as he steadfastly ignored the insinuations.

The Empty raised an eyebrow. “Bargain? What could you have that I want?”

Dean shook the crystal in his hand. “You know the bomb that woke everyone up?”

The Empty narrowed its eyes and said, “Hard to forget.”

“It worked by drawing power from you, and then basically used that power to create a shockwave that spread throughout the Empty,” Dean said. He shook the crystal again and said, “This can help do the opposite. It can draw from the power of everyone _else_ in the void, and give the power to you, so you could put everyone back to sleep.”

The Empty squinted its eyes and glanced between the crystal and Dean’s face, likely wondering if Dean was telling the truth.

“All I want in return is Cas,” Dean said. “And I won’t tell you how to use this until you give him to me.”

The Empty’s face looked calculating as it considered the offer. The background screams that Dean could barely hear in the void seemed to get louder, and Dean watched as the Empty’s irritation became increasingly more obvious. With a sigh, the Empty snapped his fingers and Cas appeared next to them, lying asleep on the ground, his face molded in a painful expression that Dean never wanted to see again.

“Your boytoy joined us after the bomb, so he’s still asleep, living through his regrets,” the Empty said. It reached down and touched Cas’s forehead and then a malicious grin grew on its face. “He’s dreaming about killing you. Hundreds of fake yous. And beating up the _real_ you to take the angel tablet.”

Dean ran forward to hold onto Cas, cupping his face in his palm. Cas was here; he was _real._ He hadn’t dared to let himself hope too much that he could get Cas back, but now he was here, he was in his arms, and Dean could feel the walls he’d been building up begin to crumble down.

“The crystal, Dean,” the Empty said impatiently. “Tell me how it works.”

“Not while Cas is still asleep,” Dean insisted.

The Empty gave a half-hearted shrug. “ _I_ don’t wake up beings in my realm. I don’t even know how. They’re _supposed_ to sleep. I don’t even know how you intend to get him out of the Empty, since I don’t think your little angel can make it out through that rift alive. But that’s not my problem. I brought you Castiel, now it’s _your_ turn to live up to your side of the bargain.”

Dean took Cas’s limp hand into his own and thought about how Cas had woken up the first time. Jack had managed to get through to him by praying to him, by wishing for his return. Dean’s prayers had gone completely unheeded from Earth, but they were in the Empty now. Cas was _right_ there.

“Cas, I don’t know if you can hear me,” Dean prayed. “But I need you to wake up. I...have a lot I need to say to you, but right now, I just need you to hear me and open those big blue eyes. Can you do that for me?”

The Empty rolled its eyes as Cas remained lifeless on the ground. He knew the being’s patience wouldn’t last forever, but Dean didn’t want to rip out Cas’s grace and escape the Empty without knowing if Cas could ever wake up.

“Cas...When we were in Purgatory, I told you that I should have stopped you. All this time, I—every time you left, every time I lost you, I didn’t know how to tell you that I wanted you to stay, that I _needed_ you to stay. When you left this time, you didn’t give me the chance to—Cas, please, you _have_ to know you changed me too. I—I love you too. _Please_ wake up,” Dean said as he buried his head in Cas’s shoulder.

It took Dean a few moments until he noticed the body under him was shifting. He took a deep intake of breath and sharply sat back up, looking at Cas as he coughed a couple times and then _finally_ opened his eyes.

“Dean,” Cas said in a rough, confused voice. “What are you doing here?”

Dean reached out and cupped Cas’s cheek, smiling at him as he asked, “What, you don’t think you deserve to be saved?”

Cas squinted his eyes and looked like he was about to say something else, when the Empty said, “Not to break up this _touching_ moment, but _the spell_ , Dean. Now.”

Dean glared at the Empty and gruffly said, “One moment.”

“What spell? Dean, I— _Please_ tell me you haven’t made some kind of deal. I don’t want—” Cas started to say, but he stopped once Dean pulled him into a tight hug.

“Nothing like that. We’re just...putting things back into balance,” Dean said. “Cas, in order to get out of here, I need to remove your grace. Is that—would that be—”

Before Dean had a chance to continue asking, Cas pulled the angel blade from Dean’s pocket and cut himself, allowing the blue wisps of his grace to be pulled out. It seemed to be drawn immediately to the crystal in Dean’s hands, which caused the Empty to raise its eyebrows with interest. Cas collapsed in Dean’s arms as the last bit of his grace fell out of him, and Dean placed his hand over the small wound Cas had created, trying to stop the bleeding.

“The crystal, Dean, _now,_ ” the Empty repeated with obvious anger.

Dean pulled a folded up piece of paper out of his pocket and passed it over to the Empty along with the crystal. “That’s the incantation you’ll need. As soon as you say it, it should fill up with the grace of the angels in the Empty. Once it glows bright white, smash the crystal, and then a shockwave will break out and put everyone back to sleep.”

Not wanting to risk the Empty doing anything to betray them now that it had gotten what it wanted, Dean rushed through the portal with Cas in his arms. He stumbled out into the bunker’s library and cradled Cas’s body in his arms. Cas seemed a little shaky at first, and Dean simply held him as he helped him sit up and then wrapped his arms around him tightly. He felt the tears start to gather in his eyes again, and then he felt Cas try to comfort him by patting him on the back. 

“ _Cas,_ ” Dean choked out through his tears. “I thought I told you never to do that to me again.”

Even though Sam, Eileen, and Rowena were in the room with them, it felt like they were in their own little world. All of his senses were filled up with _Cas._ Nothing else mattered. He caressed Cas’s cheek and kissed his forehead.

“Cas, there’s… there’s so much I need to say to you,” Dean said. Cas opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but Dean shook his head. “You left me, man. You told me you loved me, and then you _left_ me. You didn’t even give me a chance to—”

He swallowed and focused on Cas. “It’s not your fault. I should have said it earlier. _Years_ ago. I just never thought I could have—that you’d want—I’m just me, Cas. You’re this angelic force, and I’m just—I’m angry, I’m selfish, and you could do so much better, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want—that you couldn’t have—Cas, you’ve always had me. I’m yours. I _love_ you.”

It felt like a weight had been lifted off him as soon as he said it and he could see the surprise in Cas’s eyes. “I love you,” Dean repeated, loving the way that it made his entire body feel lighter than it had in years. “I love you. I love you. I am _in love_ with you. I’m sorry it took me this long.”

At first, Cas’s face looked shocked as though he was unable to process what Dean was saying, but then a big smile began to form on his face. Smiles were rare for Castiel, and the few times Dean managed to extract a big one from him always made him feel so _powerful_. It was a kind of rush that he couldn’t get from anything else.

Cas let out a soft laugh, filled with relief, as he stared into Dean’s eyes. “I love you too, Dean. Thanks for, you know—”

“Gripping you tight and raising you from perdition?” Dean asked with a small smirk, before pulling Cas close and touching their foreheads together.

“I’m so sorry about your grace, Cas. I wish I could have gotten you out another way, but I couldn’t leave you there. Not like that.” He reached down and laced their fingers together. “You’re just going to have to get used to being a weak little human like us.”

“But there are some benefits, right? You can eat peanut butter and jelly again. No more tasting molecules. And maybe—maybe this will feel better as a human too,” Dean said before finally bringing their lips together. The feeling of Cas’s lips on his felt _right_ in a way that no kiss ever had before. It wasn’t just about feeling good; Cas was kissing him like he was something precious, something to be treasured. Cas knew who he was — knew the good and the bad, knew every dark and tattered part of him — and he loved him anyway. 

He’d thought when he first kissed Cas it would be a rushed, passionate kiss spurred on by twelve years of mutual pining. Instead, Cas kissed him slowly and deeply, making him feel grounded and more whole than he’d felt in his entire life.

He could have stayed in that moment forever, but they eventually pulled apart once Rowena said, “As much as I’d love to keep watching until you boys start tearing your clothes off, I guess my work here is done.”

Dean laughed and pulled away, but he kept Cas in his arms, unwilling to let go even for a second.

Castiel had not realized they had an audience, so when Rowena spoke, he scrambled a bit out of surprise, but Dean just chuckled and held him still, not caring that they were caught in an intimate moment. The red flush of embarrassment on Castiel's face was evident as he said, "Oh...I - I didn't know we weren't by ourselves. Human senses are...quite dull." 

Dean assisted Cas to his feet, holding an arm around him to keep him upright as he went around to greet everyone. Dean guided him over to Rowena, and he stuck out his hand for her, but she decided to go for a light hug instead. Dean watched in amusement as Cas awkwardly pat her back. His hug with Eileen was similarly awkward, but he allowed Sam to give him a big lingering hug that would have bothered Dean if it was anyone other than his brother. He knew Sam was just grateful to have his brother back.

Their reunion was interrupted by Cas’s stomach growling, and Dean laughed at the humanness of the situation. “You want to get some food?”

"A peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds great right now, actually,” Cas answered with a small smile. 

“You can have as many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as you want, buddy—uh, baby,” Dean said, stumbling on the pet name. 

Seeming to realize that Dean and Cas needed some time alone, Sam and Eileen stayed in the library while Dean walked with Cas to the kitchen, never once letting go of his hand. Cas sat down in one of the chairs by the table and Dean pressed a kiss to the top of his head before finally letting go of Cas’s hand and moving to the cupboards to get out the sandwich ingredients.

As he was making Cas’s sandwich, he started rambling. “You know, there’s a lot of food that’s better than PB&J. I’ll cook for you, whatever you want. I don’t know what you tried last time you were human, but I _know_ you never tried a proper pie. That’s going to have to be remedied.”

“And, you know, there’s so much other stuff we’ve never gotten to do before. So many new human experiences. Now that Chuck’s gone—”

He saw the surprise in Cas’s expression, and he laughed, realizing there was so much stuff they needed to talk about.

“Yeah, he’s gone. Alive, but powerless. Jack’s got his powers now,” Dean said. “You were right. The whole time, you knew that Jack would save us. And you were right.”

Castiel felt a small smile form on his face at the knowledge that Jack had fulfilled his destiny. "I always knew he had it in him. I _saw_ it when Kelly was pregnant. Wait, what about Amara? Is she inside of Jack now too?"

When he saw Dean nod for confirmation, Castiel nodded back, absorbing everything. "I see, that’s good. The world is in balance. We did it. _You_ did it. Jack did it. I knew you would. If anyone could change the entire balance of the world, it would be you."

Dean blushed and ignored Cas’s praise as he placed the sandwich in front of him, and Castiel did not hesitate to grab it and begin chowing down. He hummed happily. "I missed you, PB&J.”

Dean watched with rapt amazement as Cas devoured the sandwich, finding it extremely endearing the way that Cas seemed to find joy in something as simple as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The tension between them was building, though it was more exciting than it was uncomfortable. 

Cas seemed to catch him staring and he tilted his head inquisitively, waiting for Dean to say the words that were clearly on his mind. The only problem was that thoughts were flying through Dean’s head at such a rapid pace that he didn’t even know where he wanted to start. There was still so much they needed to address, so much that Dean needed to apologize for, so much they needed to figure out about their new fledgling relationship, if that was even what this was. He still had no idea what Cas expected or wanted out of their relationship, even though they’d kissed and confessed their love.

“So, uh, now that you’re back, what do you want to do?” Dean asked tentatively. “And uh… do you maybe… _want-to-move-into-my-room?”_

Dean blushed as he quickly said the last part, somehow nervous despite the fact Cas had been willing to spend eternity living out his regrets just to save him. It was all still so new, so fresh, and he still didn’t completely know how Cas felt. He knew Cas loved him, but he had no idea what that _meant_ from Cas’s perspective or how far he’d want to go with their relationship.

Castiel couldn't help but smile and laugh softly at Dean asking the question so quickly. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Um...well, yes. That would make me very happy." 

Dean was so excited that Castiel agreed that he grabbed Cas' hand and started making his way to Castiel's old room so they could move some things into Dean's room. Castiel didn't have much, but the few items he did have, they carried into Dean's room and set everything up. Castiel looked around and felt pleased, like everything belonged where it should. 

He looked down at his regular clothes and trenchcoat that he was still wearing. "I...might need some other clothes now that I'm human. I can sweat now. Angels don't perspire. And there’s all this blood I can’t vanish..." 

“We’ll get you a whole new wardrobe. Whatever you need. But you can always borrow any of my clothes. I uh—I think I might like that,” Dean said. “You’re probably not all that comfortable in that suit and trenchcoat now that you’re human. It’s not exactly the most comfy outfit ever. Especially for just sitting around the house.”

Dean walked over to his wardrobe and pulled open the drawer with his sleep clothes. With a small smile, he picked a pair of pajama pants with burgers and hot dogs on them and a loose t-shirt. He handed them over to Cas with a smile.

“Not sure if Jimmy’s like of burgers will pass over to you, but I bought these while thinking of you,” Dean said with a small shrug. “I wore them a lot when we had our… uh, disagreement earlier this year. I _may_ have been kind of a mess while you were gone.”

"I'm pretty sure Jimmy's love of burgers will be passed over to me. I won't be able to eat in the low hundreds anymore without sustaining fatal health problems, but one burger is enough for me." Castiel smiled and took off his coat but folded it neatly and set it on the nearby chair. 

“We’re keeping the coat though, I hope you know,” Dean stated firmly. “Don’t care if we need to dry clean it to get the blood stain out.”

Cas’s eyes crinkled as he responded, “Yes. I've become quite attached to it over the years."

Not thinking about if it might have been inappropriate, Castiel began to strip down to his boxers and dress in the pajamas that Dean had given him. He slipped on the pants and loose shirt, already feeling more comfortable. Cas moved his arms and legs around, feeling less stuffy than he had with his angelic outfit. 

That's when he looked up at Dean, who had been staring at him. "Um...I apologize. I should have gone into the bathroom to change. I didn't even think about it." He ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe I need to have a review of societal norms." 

Dean choked out a laugh, somewhat amazed at how freeing it felt to not have to lie about his attraction to Cas. “Babe, do you think I have a problem with seeing you without clothes on? ‘Cause I wasn’t staring because I was _uncomfortable._ ”

“I guess… I guess we should talk about this,” Dean said with a sigh. “I know I always, uh, I told you I wanted personal space. But it was because, well, because having you in close proximity made me want things...things I thought I couldn’t have. You’re _incredibly_ attractive, Cas. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about, uh...you know, us. Together.”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I know you had sex with April and you kissed Meg, but I don’t know what… you really feel about… um, that part of romance. Is that—uh, when we kissed earlier, did you like that? Would you want to do, uh, more than that?”

Dean cringed, worried he’d gone about this whole conversation the wrong way. Being open and honest about his desires was not exactly his strong suit, especially when it came to men, and _definitely_ when it came to a man he was in love with. It was easy to tell a woman he wanted to sleep with her, but he’d only ever been with a man while drunk or as a demon. But Cas… It mattered so much more, and he was afraid of messing up what they’d just built by wanting something Cas might have no interest in.

Castiel blinked a few times and walked closer to Dean, so they were standing closer, wanting to give the other his full attention. "Of course I enjoyed kissing you. I've only wanted to do that for years, but of course, that was under different circumstances. And I'd definitely like more of it." He gave a small smile for reassurance. "I _liked_ Meg, but I wasn't in love with her. It was...how do you say it? A game of cat and mouse of flirtations? When I kissed her, I wanted to test out what the pizza man did. And with April, there were no feelings attached, except possibly gratitude. It was out of curiosity." 

Dean nodded and said, “Yeah, that’s...what I...I didn't know if you ever really…wanted that either. Even after you slept with April, it seemed more like an experiment to you. And you never sought it out again…" 

He reached up with his free hand to touch Dean's face gently. "I never sought it again because you're the one I wanted to have that moment with. It didn't make sense to me to find someone else when you were right in front of me. To tell you the truth, I felt a bit sinful feeling all those emotions towards you when I was under the impression you didn't think the same way." 

Dean grinned. "And how do you think I felt, fantasizing about an angel of the Lord?”

“I’m not an angel anymore,” Castiel said as he leaned forward to press their lips together. Dean melted into the kiss and opened his mouth to allow Cas’s tongue to sweep into his mouth. The kiss seemed exploratory as Cas kept trying different things to see how they’d feel. It might have felt disjointed with any other person, but Dean would have been content to stay in that moment forever. When they finally had to pull back to catch their breath, Cas looked back at him with swollen lips and the largest smile he’d ever seen on his friend’s— _boy_ friend’s face.

“We were such idiots. We could have had this for years,” Dean said as he slipped his hand under Cas’s shirt. “But that doesn’t matter anymore.”

Dean readjusted until he was straddling Castiel and leaned down to kiss his lips. “You’re _mine_ now.”

"I always have been yours. We've just been too busy being idiots." Cas mused as he allowed himself to pull Dean’s shirt off and move his hands over Dean’s skin, admiring his body in a way he’d never been able to before. They spent hours exploring each other’s bodies, and Dean could only hope that their room was sufficiently soundproofed to avoid Sam overhearing anything he shouldn’t. Sam might begin wishing _he_ was the deaf one. 

Even in their afterglow, Dean couldn’t take his hands or his eyes off Cas, and they stayed up for another couple of hours while Dean filled Cas in on how they’d managed to take down Chuck and how they’d managed to free him from the Empty. By the time they were done talking, Cas’s eyes were starting to droop in a way that reminded Dean just how _human_ he was now.

Dean ran his fingers through Cas’s hair and said, “You should get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll still be here in the morning.”

The next morning, Cas was reminded of how hard it could be for humans to pull themselves out of slumber, and he really began to understand Dean’s angry bearlike traits when he was woken up too early. Cas grumbled to himself and buried his face in the pillow he had been using, but began to wake up further when he felt Dean rubbing his back. Castiel looked to the left, and that's when he saw Dean sitting next to him, sipping his cup of coffee. 

"Good morning, Dean," Castiel said in a groggy and gravelly morning voice.

“Morning, Sunshine,” Dean said as he leaned down to peck a kiss on Cas’s lips. He picked up a second cup of coffee from the nightstand and handed it over to Cas, who sniffed at it a couple times before taking a sip and scrunching his face in distaste. Dean laughed as Cas shook his head and handed the cup back.

“Guess you’re not a big fan, huh,” Dean said with a grin. “Maybe we can try tea later.”

Dean was excited at the prospect of being able to explore humanity with Cas, even if he still felt guilty that Cas had to lose his grace. There were so many experiences that Cas never could truly appreciate as an angel that he’d finally be able to understand. Even without losing his grace, Cas had been becoming more human for the past twelve years, and it felt like this was just the final step.

“So, we need to go shopping for some supplies for you today. You know, toothbrush, clothes, razor, human stuff...But first, Sam and Eileen were pretty adamant when I talked to them this morning about wanting to spend some time with you. I kinda stole you last night a bit, and they didn’t really get a chance to welcome you back,” Dean said.

The ex-angel gave an amused but lazy smile as he was still waking up. "Yes, you did steal me from them, but my stomach was the real culprit in interrupting our reunion."

Castiel got out of bed and stretched his arms and back out before realizing he _really_ needed to use the bathroom. He’d never managed to get used to urination the last time he was human, and he doubted he’d ever get used to it again. Walking briskly to the restroom, he quickly relieved himself, washed his hands, splashed water on his face, and then joined the rest of his family in the bunker’s kitchen.

He saw Dean working over the stove and walked forward, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek before turning towards the table with Sam and Eileen. "Hello, Sam and Eileen. I apologize on Dean's behalf for him stealing me from you." 

Dean ruffled Cas’s hair and said, “I ain’t apologizing for that, and neither should you.”

Dean turned back towards the stove as he cooked the eggs and bacon to cook while Sam and Eileen got the chance to catch up with Cas. Dean had a half smile on his face as he saw Cas get tight hugs from both Sam and Eileen out of the corner of his eye.

“It’s so good to have you back, man,” Sam said as he clutched Cas close to him. “Our family isn’t complete without you.”

“We missed you so much,” Eileen said. “Dean especially, but we all felt incomplete without you around.”

“Dean especially is an understatement,” Sam said with a roll of his eyes. “We had to find a way to get you back just to get Dean into a shower.”

Dean flipped Sam off while continuing to focus on cooking, but the small smile on his face remained. He hadn’t really been able to truly celebrate beating Chuck and getting everyone back, because everything had still seemed so hollow without Cas by his side. Finally, it truly felt like they were _free_. They could forge their own paths, no God writing their story for them or Empty deal keeping them apart.

As soon as he was done cooking, he piled the bacon, eggs, and toast on everyone’s plates and then moved them over to the table, taking the seat next to Cas for himself and scooting their chairs closer until their knees were touching. Before even touching his own food, he kept his eyes on Cas, wanting to see how he reacted to eating the breakfast as a human.

Dean’s eyes crinkled as he watched Cas eat, especially when he put together a sandwich with the eggs and bacon inside the toast and his eyes lit up in surprise at all the flavors melding together. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been staring until Cas called him out, and then he focused on his own plate of food, sticking a whole piece of bacon in his mouth in one bite.

Halfway through the meal, Cas asked the question they all had been avoiding. "I am not sure if this is the right time to be asking this, but...Now that Chuck isn't God anymore and the threat has been removed, what do we do now?

Dean’s mind started spinning as soon as Cas asked the question about what was next. He hadn’t ever allowed himself to think about the future, because there was always a more pressing immediate concern. But now…

“I don’t know, Cas. It’s just been one thing after another for fifteen years…hell, my whole life. Always another big bad, apparently thanks to Chuck. And then we had to deal with Chuck himself, and then getting you back, and—I guess I haven’t really thought about it. There are still monsters to hunt, but…”

Dean turned and looked at Cas. He could _not_ lose him again, and he was human now. He wasn’t used to fighting as a human the way the rest of them were. And Dean wasn’t getting any younger himself. As much as he never wanted to admit it, the hunts were wearing on his body in a way they never used to. He always felt creaky joints and aches and pains, and it was taking longer and longer to recover from every hunt. He wasn’t as fast or as strong as he used to be.

“I think I want to settle down a bit. Maybe take on a bit of a Bobby role, helping other hunters,” Dean said as he reached down to place a hand on Cas’s thigh. “I think we deserve a break.”

Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you serious? You want to quit hunting? _You_?”

“Yeah, I dunno. Something about going out guns blazing doesn’t really appeal to me anymore,” Dean said with a shrug. “I don’t want to just die at the hands of the next random vampire right when we’ve finally found some peace.”

“And it’s not like we’re leaving the life, not really,” Dean said. “We’ll always be there to help other hunters, maybe make things a little safer and more coordinated for everyone like you did when we had the apocalypse refugees here. We’ll always be a source for hunters who need help with research or supplies or training, and we can answer the phones when they need a cover.”

“To be honest...getting out of the line of fire sounds kind of nice for a change,” Sam said. “I just never thought I’d hear you say it.”

“Yeah, well, going down bloody might be what’s expected of hunters. It might be what _Dad_ expected, but I’m not Daddy’s blunt instrument,” Dean said, looking pointedly at Cas as he remembered the speech he’d given him before he’d been taken by the Empty. “There’s always gonna be evil in this world, and we’re always gonna fight it because that’s who we are, but we don’t have to do it from the frontlines. We don’t need to be cannon fodder for every monster or demon with a grudge.”

Cas didn't want to admit it out loud at the breakfast table, but being human again made him feel vulnerable. As an angel, he always felt strong and capable, ready to defend the bunker and the Winchesters. He wouldn't say he felt utterly useless because he still was a warrior, but it was on a different scale now as a human being: no wings, no grace, no celestial energy. 

Hearing that Dean wanted to begin retiring into more of Bobby's position left him just as surprised as Sam and Eileen, but happy with the idea that they could avoid taking on all of the world’s problems themselves. He was beginning to understand that they earned a little bit of peace. Dean had been hunting since he was a child, and they had spent their entire lives being forced into tragedy after tragedy. Both brothers deserved something better, something that was their choice for once.

Wiping off his hands, Castiel took one and put it down on top of Dean's hand on his thigh. "I’m proud of you, Dean. Now that there is peace without my Father reigning his chaos, it might be the best time to take a step back. With both of your experiences, you could train and advise young aspiring hunters. Everyone knows your names by now. I don't know yet what I can offer as a human, but I'll come up with something.”

“You still got billions of years worth of knowledge up in that noggin, baby, you know more about the forces in this world than any of us,” Dean said with a roll of his eyes. “And besides, you’ve always been worth a lot more to us than just your fancy angel powers.”

Dean readjusted his hand to put it palm up and lace their fingers together. “You can do whatever you want now, Cas. No more Heaven telling you what to do, or even… you know, me, using you to help take on our enemies. And I _know_ you’ll help us mentor the hunters, but you can follow any of your own dreams too. Whatever you want, I’ll be there.”

Dean was trying to be _better,_ to be more emotionally honest and to show Cas how he felt about him. Going through weeks of hearing Cas’s speech over and over again in his head, knowing that Cas had died thinking he didn’t love him, made him need to show Cas that he could be better. He was sure he’d slip sometimes, put up the walls that always made him hide his feelings, but he never wanted to make the mistake of letting Cas think he was unloved or just a tool to be used ever again. Cas had said he did everything for love. He still wasn’t sure that was true, but he was going to strive to be the person Cas believed he could be. After everything they’d gone through, Cas deserved that much.

A warm smile formed on Castiel's face. Dean hadn't been this _emotionally available_ to him in, well, ever. They had their moments of Dean opening up, but this was completely different. And judging by the small smile on Sam's face out of the corner of his eye, his brother could also tell he was trying. 

Things began to fall into place after that conversation. They reached out to all their hunter friends to talk about becoming a hub for hunter activity, and often brought in new hunters to the bunker to give them some one on one training to hopefully keep them alive. They made sure hunters had a partner whenever they went out on a case, and still researched to find cases and assign them to different groups of hunters.

Sam continued researching and increasing his skills with magic, while also continuing his relationship with Eileen. At first, Sam and Eileen would still occasionally go out on hunts together, but that stopped the day they found out that Eileen was pregnant. Nine months later, Mary was born. Not wanting their baby to grow up in an underground bunker, they found a house less than a mile away to raise their family. Mary, and later her brother Bobby, would grow up knowing about the Supernatural without ever being asked to get involved. They were encouraged to grow up as normal as a Winchester ever could.

Dean and Cas remained in the bunker, running their hunting operation at all hours of the day. Sam and Eileen still came by to help, but Dean really took on the reins of being the leader of their group of hunters. Sometimes this meant that he’d find out about the deaths of people they’d sent on hunts, and this would lead him into depressive fits that brought out his old self-destructive grieving tendencies. More often, though, they’d hear stories about the people they saved. Dean took a special liking to mentoring the younger hunters, showing them the ropes and giving them the tools they needed to stay safe in the field. 

Cas spent his life finding new joys in human experiences. He was always a wealth of knowledge and was particularly good at research for cases, but he also began to find his own interests. He built his own garden outside the bunker and Dean helped build him some beehives so he could gather honey. He began to learn to cook, too. At first, his experiments were disastrous, and even Dean couldn’t pretend he liked them. Over time, he began to improve, until finally one day he was able to serve Dean a pie that actually made his entire face light up with a smile after a single bite.

Their relationship wasn’t always smooth. They both had gone through so much, and they both had moments where they reverted back to being closed off or insecure. When Dean got into a bad mood, he would occasionally take out that anger on Castiel. The difference now was that they both were committed to being better, to apologizing when they messed up, and doing whatever they could to make up for their mistakes. They spent a lot of time bickering with each other, but if Dean was honest, teasing Cas was the highlight of most of his days. Most of their time together wasn’t filled with anger or pain any longer; now, they were fueled by love. 

For every moment they fought, there were one hundred more moments where they were happy. They were given the chance to explore their relationship. They moved slowly at first, but it didn’t take long for them to recognize that they were going to be together for the rest of their lives. They _had_ to be, because they only felt complete when they were together. Dean would always have nightmares, but waking up with Cas spooned up against him was all he needed to get past them and move on with his life. The moments he lived for were the moments where Cas would grumpily snuggle up to him and refuse to let him leave the bed in the morning, or the afternoons where he could watch the sunshine shine down on Cas while he worked in the garden, or the nights where their bodies joined together to give him the greatest pleasure he’d ever known. With every new moment with Cas, the bad parts of his past and even his present seemed to fade. Their lives would never be perfect, but they were finally free to be able to live the way they wanted. It turned out that what Dean had always wanted most was a peaceful life with Cas and Sam by his side, even if he’d never before allowed himself to hope for it.


End file.
